Last week I wrote a long entry about my aunt, death, and regret. A few hours later, she passed away. I hope it was peaceful. I think it was peaceful. It’s funny because I barely slept at all that night and neither did my parents. I ended up falling asleep about an hour before the folks from the nursing home called my dad to say that Titi Carmen had died.
We kind of carried on with our normal routine as much as possible (celebrating my brother’s 22nd birthday, vet appointments, silly conversations about nothing in particular), with the addition of an influx of family members in the house. My uncle, aunt, and cousin had already planned to arrive on Sunday, but another cousin and his family arrived, too. Tuesday was my aunt’s wake and while there were tears, most were tears of joy and remembrance. We had tons of family and friends in the house. There was a lot of food. There was a surprising amount of laughter. I’m certainly going to miss my aunt Carmen, but nothing compares to the feeling of relief and hope that I have for her.
Along with strangeness of the week, I have had many a talk with people about my future plans for teaching. It’s hard to believe that I actually did complete grad school five years ago. That I did all of this work for a job that I haven’t actually experienced for myself yet. A few weeks ago I decided that if I didn’t get a middle/high school English teacher position this year that I would go back to school and pursue a degree in Early Childhood education. I may have attempted to do this anyway, but it feels like something I need to seriously look into now. I’m sick of not being experienced enough, not being good enough, not being the right type of teacher for the job. I feel so lucky to have spent as much time as I have working with the little ones and maybe that’s because it’s what I should have been doing all along. Who knows? I know that I should be teaching and if it’s going to take a bit longer to get into a school and start my career, then I guess that’s the path I have to take. I’m uncertainly certain about my future. As usual. So fabulous.
In conclusion: Here are some pictures from the past few days. (Some have already been posted on Instagram)
My cousin Sarah came up with the idea of creating a collage for Carmen’s wake. We spent an evening going through tons of pictures. Scanning. Making copies. This one is one of my favorites. Titi Carmen and her late husband. My grandma is in the background smiling and tio’s sister is on the side looking on. My silly head is in the bottom of the frame. I think this was just before tio died.
Have a lovely weekend, friends. ♥
(P.S.–I know I’ve said it on Facebook and various social media sites, but seriously…thank you guys for everything.)